I have always hated being on my own. It's not that I don't like my own company, it's just that I feel I need the company of other people to do certain things. It doesn't help that I am an extrovert extraordinaire! Ok, so there may also be a little bit of avoidance in this, but I am usually happy when in the company of other people and I find that I get a bit down if I haven't had human contact after about 2 days, it's just who I am.
This need to be with other people developed into a need to have someone in my life for me to do certain things. Like most things, I have no idea when this developed, I just got to a certain point and it was there, fully grown and howling in my face! I always wanted to travel the world, but did not want to do it on my own. I always wanted to ride a horse, but not on my own. I always wanted to spend the lovely Australian summer days at the beach or at a park, but not on my own. So, I started looking for someone to spend my life with...
However, I kept meeting the kind of guys who were not interested in what I wanted to do, too stoned or drunk to care or otherwise disinterested in the outside world and immersed completely with the unreality of television. BORING!!
Then I met one who seemed to have the same life goals as I; they wanted to travel, to go on adventures, to experience life to its fullest. Needless to say I was thrilled, until it too turned sour and I was again faced with the lonely prospect of waiting for the one to come along and save me from my mundane life. Again, I played the waiting game......
Until I had a palm reading from the very talented Ian Cameron. I had been to him before, and similar stuff had come up, but this time it seemed to stick. This time it seemed clearer than ever before - I had to stop waiting for someone to come along and save me from my mundane existence because I needed to save myself!! I needed to learn to be happy in my solitude, to find peace in my loneliness, and go out and live my life anyway.
It seems ridiculous to me now, but I just never wanted to do things on my own. I am not 100% sure where this comes from, but I am certain that it will reveal itself in time.
So, for the next year I am dedicating one day a week to doing something that I would not have done alone. I am taking myself out of my comfort zone and into the realm of the unknown. Is this a mission of self-discovery? Surely, although it is not my main purpose. I need to find happiness in my solitude, and the only way I know how is to start doing the things I have always wanted to do now!!
Starting with going to the movies... alone... This is something that has terrified me in the past. I have always waited for boyfriends, friends or family to be free before seeing a movie, and have often missed seeing them on the big screen because schedules had not matched up. So, I will challenge myself to see a movie on my own. It is a small thing, and I know people do it all the time, but it is a start.
So, I hope you will enjoy the ride with me, and maybe even learn something along the way! It's going to be fun!! :D <3